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BOB OSWALD gets spaced out on life Bob's Not Here, Man 
The only thing worse than a bunch of stoned hippies, reeking of sun block and patchouli, standing around in a public park bitching about the society they parasitize, is that stereotype of legalization rallies as a bunch of stoned hippies, standing around in a public park, bitching about the society they parasitize.
The only thing worse than that are writers who employ "clever" stoner humor in their articles or titles in a lame attempt to prove they are "down."
Worse than all of these things is falling into a pit of lava ... a bottomless pit of lava. But I'm not sure that's germane to Seattle's annual Hempfest, one of those previously mentioned public pro-pot events, which took place this year on August 16-18.
I'm sure you knew, or at least assumed, Seattle had an annual Hempfest. Come on; it's big. In fact, according to the organization's own website, Hempfest is the largest pro-marijuana rally "anywhere." Huh. Who knew?
Let's get this out of the way now: it's so obvious that marijuana should be legal for recreational use that when I mentioned it
just now, the quality of this article dropped to about the level of a sixth-grade Social Studies report (I strive to hit at least
junior high standards in all of my work; in comparison, Seattle Weekly is written by and for fourth graders, the P-I began as a kindergarten class's weekly
newsletter, and copies of The Stranger have been found at sites once occupied by our primitive ancestor homo habilis, three pages of tranny escort
service ads petrified alongside rudimentary stone tools).
I am all grown up and pretty boring, so I don't smoke pot anymore. But when I did, I enjoyed smoking a spliff or two and taking a break from reality; a nice contrast
to the more intense psychedelics like acid, mushrooms, and more acid, which were a one-way ticket to a sweaty, schizoid break with reality.
 Pot is safe, but it is also fun, and therefore illegal. Scheduling marijuana at all, let alone as a class-one drug, is, was, and always will be, a massively stupid idea for so many reasons, and everyone already knows all of them so I will now type a period.
OK, this is now about me trying to decide whether or not to go to Hempfest. On one hand, yeah, pot should be legal. On the other, going to Hempfest means standing around in a public park with a bunch of stoned hippies... you know. And while that is an outdated and unfair stereotype of marijuana users, who are actually a diverse group of people drawn from all creeds, ethnicities, and occupations-most of whom live very successful and fulfilling lives and do not have dreadlocks and skin problems-still, somehow, the crowds at these events do tend to skew toward the freakish and annoying. It was hot, I was hung over, and I wasn't exactly sure I could handle the scene.
Oh, you bearded college kids, you stoners, you heads... you rampaging anti-artists who haven't been sober since Burning Man '05... it isn't even that I support your cause without supporting your tactics. I support your cause and your tactics, but you smell bad and behave unpredictably and are a little embarrassing to be around in public. I am glad there are people who are dedicated to reversing unjust and nonsensical laws, and I'm glad there are people who love ostentation and culture and psychoactive substances. Our lives are the richer for you. But it was so hot that weekend...
For a while, a short epoch in my life, I was an activist. Whatever that means. I went places and did things, yelled at people and got arrested. I attended innumerable rallies, protest marches, meetings, and raw vegan picnics. These were good things to do, and I'm glad I did them. But after a while, it became less important to me. I know you're thinking this probably correlates with starting to make money; but I assure you, I have not yet entered the stage of life where I'll get rich and become all conservative. At this point, I'm looking forward to it, a little.
Regardless, my interest in politics waned and I kind of dropped out of the movement, whatever movement that was. I still believe most of the things I believed then, but the fire's gone out of it. Maybe it'll come back some day. In the end, for Hempfest, I just couldn't be arsed.
Although I felt pretty good about not going to Hempfest, I feel a little sorry for missing it. It's good to actively support your politics, and it's possible the piece you're reading at this moment would have been a little more well-informed and relevant to its ostensible subject if I'd taken the time.
Maybe I'll just say I didn't go on purpose, to prove that people who don't smoke pot can be just as lazy and de-motivated as our stoner counterparts. Maybe next year.
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